F.T.W

So i had a bad dream... it was simple. I was in a car I have never driven before, a Land Rover 110, yes the old one from that ad many many many many years ago where a guy is stuck in a dam and he uses a winch to put the vehicle out? Yeah.... that sexy add. (Let me youtube it even). Anyway, there i was driving from Makeni and i run over a guy on an Eagle bicycle and the guy got all mangled (what do you expect, I hit him with one of the toughest vehicles ever made) then as I swerved off the road I hit a white Toyota Altezza or as I prefer to call it, The Zambian Ferrari.

So anyway I had a bad dream in which I killed about three people. I have had this heavy feeling today and it has really dragged me down. Not looking forward to anything and not even eating (yes and I am always hungry).

I have been feeling so angry most of the day and the world around me is not making things any easier by throwing all sorts of pressure at me. I am not saying I crack easily under pressure but we all have our limits and maybe I have reached mine. I do not want to say I have a perfect life but I try to stay out of confrontation and confusion so basically i hate arguments and would like to think I have no enemies. But why do I feel like say Fuck The World to Everyone today? Wishing one of those catastrophic movie plots where everyone is gone and I am alone with a Dog and guns.... with no zombies though.

So today I hate the world and that is why I was killing people in my dream. The sub conscious is a powerful thing, translating my anger into some evil dream that has made me feel like going Rambo on the world.

After all this I have come to the conclusion that this is the way my mind handles anxiety. The question is, what am I anxious about?

p.s...I still love you



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